Talk her into bed

Accommodate her desires She says "It's a pleasure to meet you," You say "It's lovely to meet you, too. Can I get you a drink?" Why? If she greets you formally (as above), you'll need to speak in a more formal way too, regardless of how you normally converse. You're applying what linguists call 'accommodation theory'. "This grows from the sociological principle of 'similarity attraction'," says Delhi-based psychologist, Dr Pulkit Sharma. "If you seem more similar to people you like, they will like you back." But don't forget to be spontaneous, he adds, unless you want to be text bookish! Double your odds She says "What are you doing this weekend, then?" You say "Well, it depends-would you rather go for sushi or see a new band?" Why? You're applying a 'double bind', says Dr Sharma. "It's psychologically giving her the illusion of choice, but both results benefit you. It can be very effective, but bear in mind, this is one for the end of the date, as it'll either cut it dead or open things up. For something subtler, try: 'If I choose a restaurant, will you decide what we do afterwards?' That's a 'conditional close'-a form of negotiation to gain agreement." It's a win-win for you. Ride her wavelength She says "When I'm travelling, my favourite thing is to sit on the beach at dawn and watch the sunrise." You say "That sounds like an ideal image to picture when work's getting you down" Why? Reflect 'visual' words-like 'image' and 'picture' back at her to show you're on the same 'representational wavelength'. "Everyone fits into one representational system: Either visual, auditory or kinaesthetic," says neuro-linguistics trainer Robert Steinhouse. "We're attracted to people with the same preference. If she's auditory, she'd use predicates like 'hear' and 'listen'; if she's kinaesthetic they'd be 'hot' and 'feel'". Read between the lines She says "I tried this amazing red wine- in Italy last year. I can't remember what it was called though." You say "Where in Italy did you go?" Why? What she really wants to talk about is her trip to Italy, so ask her. "One of the biggest causes of miscommunication is the divergence between 'literal' and 'inferential' communication," says Dr Sharma. "Men tend to be literal communicators. Women are more inferential. In this example, she wants to show off that she's travelled, so push the conversation in that direction. She doesn't actually want you to help her remember the name of the wine." Although ordering a bottle wouldn't do any harm. Get personal She says "He said he'd bring the menu over in a few minutes." You say "Great, looks like he's on top of things: We're in safe hands." Why? "When couples use the same function words, particularly personal pronouns and prepositions (he, he'd, in, on), they're more likely to be compatible and on the same level," says Dr James Pennebaker, chair of psychology at Texas University. The key is in the brain's Broca's area, where mirror neurons (cells that enable us to mirror emotions) are the densest. This area of the brain also processes function words. Get in tune with her Broca's area and you're definitely more likely to get tuned into her other 'areas'. Six passion-packed phrases that set the stage for hotter sex. We'll provide the words. The rest is up to you. "I screwed up, and want to hear your thoughts." Whether you blabbed a good friend's secret or ran over the neighbour's limited-edition bike, admit it. Confessing an error in judgment leaves you exposed and vulnerable, which makes a woman want to wrap you in her arms. Telling her about it, wins her over even more-you're showing that you value her opinion. The resulting combo of compassion and confidence will inspire her to make everything all better-or at least distract you. "Did you know you have a heart-shaped freckle on the back of your left thigh?" After the first few months of sex, inch-by-inch body exploration yields to cut-to-the-chase carnality. That's a shame, because having her body mapped puts a woman in the mood for luxurious sex. Pull aside the blankets on a weekend morning and run your eyes and fingertips from her toes to her earlobes, making admiring comments along the way. You won't get past her elbows before she pulls you in for a deep, wet kiss. "I'm organising a team of volunteers for Summit for Someone." Whether it's climbing mountains with inner-city kids or carrying the neighbour's groceries, helping others boosts your sexy factor for two reasons. First, altruism shows her that you can put your own needs aside, which inspires her to take care of them for you. Second, your good deeds make her feel as if she's dating up, because clearly you're a better person than she is. She'll want to join forces with you on your life's quest. "I want to accomplish a few key things in the next five years." When a woman hears a man talk about the future with a "whatever" attitude, her level of respect for him drops and her thighs snap shut. She was surrounded by way too many of those directionless dudes back in college, and she has learned that men who have clear goals and realistic plans for achieving them are rare. She'll appreciate your far-sightedness, all the more. Making up your mind settles hers, as well. "You must be exhausted. Let's take a hot shower and I'll scrub your back." The number one reason your partner turns down sex is because she's stressed. And while she knows there's no better cure for wound-up nerves than a spring-release orgasm, it can be hard to shake off the day's distractions. By blasting the hot water and lighting candles, you'll offer a tension-melting solution she can't refuse. Once the hot water and your soapy hands chase the stress away, she'll finally feel sexy again. "I'm taking the day off tomorrow to chaperone my niece's field trip." While a woman is impressed by a man who's driven to succeed, she's even more tantalised by a striver who's willing to put a family member first-extra points if that family member is under 12. She'll instantly flash-forward to when you're the nurturing parent to her children. Come back from your kiddie outing with a cute stuffed animal for her and she'll practically drag you into bed.