Migraines and Sex
Migraines, like other chronic illnesses, can put a real damper on intimacy.
To keep the spark alive, couples may need to strengthen other parts of their relationship.
"[Chronic] migraine can create strain, and if unspoken, create distance," says Rodney Shapiro, PhD, a family therapist and psychiatryprofessor in San Francisco. The person who doesn't suffer from migraines may stop wanting to have sex after a while, he says,
Knowing your migraine triggers -- such as certain foods, smells, barometric changes, lack of sleep, and (for women) the onset of your period -- can help you plan better for intimacy. Taking medication to prevent or ease a migraine's intensity may also help. So can couples therapy and a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise.
Hypersensitive to Touch
"'I have a headache' really means something in my case," says Denise Dunn, 55, who runs an agricultural diagnostics lab in central Florida.
Dunn has had migraines since childhood. She says her migraines worsened after she suffered a neck injury. She gets a dull headache most days and gets slamming migraines a few times a month. She takes a migraine-specific prevention medicine every day, which Dunn says makes the headaches less painful but does not prevent them, and another medication when a migraine strikes.
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Migraines make some people particularly sensitive to light, sound, and touch. "When I'm in a migraine pattern, I don't want anybody to touch me," Dunn says.
That can take a toll on your sex life. But it’s not just sex that suffers.
"It affects your relationship in general, because you become less interactive," Dunn says. "Part of intimacy is being able to enjoy things with your spouse.''
That makes it even more important to communicate and compromise. Her husband is understanding and their marriage is "sound," Dunn says. "We're not the kind of people who, if we don't have rip-snorting sex, will break up. We love each other and we enjoy each other's company."
Migraines and Hormones
Most migraine sufferers are women. And for about half of all women who get migraines, a classic migraine trigger is the approach of their menstrual period, when estrogen and progesterone levels are declining. So for those women, tracking their menstrual cycle may help plan better times to have sex. But migraines can also strike mid-cycle, when women may be more sexually receptive -- making it trickier to plan sex, says Cincinnati headache specialist Vincent Martin, MD.
Pregnancy hormones may also play a role in migraines. During pregnancy, migraines may increase in frequency or worsen in intensity, and migraines in women with auras often worsen. But in some women, these headaches may improve during pregnancy. Some women also may have their first migraine during pregnancy. Nonpharmacologic treatments are important in managing migraines during pregnancy, but treatment with preventive therapy may be needed.
For men and women, midlife is the peak time for migraine vulnerability. For many women, migraine declines after menopause -- often if they are taking estrogen for other menopausal symptoms such as hot flashes, Martin says.
Migraines, Sexual Desire, and Orgasm
Wake Forest University headache researcher Timothy Houle, PhD, has studied the sex drive of men and women who get migraines. And he's been surprised by what he found.
Quiz: How Much Do You Know About Headaches?
In a small study Houle led in 2006, male and female migraine sufferers reported thinking more about sex than people who don't get migraines. But other research has shown lower levels of sexual desire, and higher levels of sexual pain, in people who get migraines.
In addition, some studies show that people find migraine relief by having an orgasm. But orgasm can sometimes trigger a headache -- even in women who don't get migraine headaches, Martin says. ADVERTISEMENT
MIgraines and Intimacy
Migraines present couples a challenge to build tolerance and patience -- and that takes emotional maturity, says San Diego family and marriage counselor Barbara Cunningham, PsyD.
Cunningham recalls a couple she worked with, in which the woman had migraines. "She was extremely attentive and loving and affirmational," Cunningham says. The wife "learned to create an emotional bank account" with her partner. "So if a migraine struck at an inopportune time, there was that emotional bank account. He felt loved and valuable, not pushed away."
But if the couple is "reactive" -- they don't get along -- "adding a migraine headache to their already full plate is enough to create a problem that puts them more at risk of breaking up," Cunningham says. "You have to assess a lot of things in the relationship besides the symptom.'' Stress reduction may help the partner who doesn't get migraines, and couples therapy may be part of their long-term plan.
Fighting Food-Related Headaches
Understanding and communication help. For instance, a husband who doesn't understand his wife's chronic migraines could accompany her on a doctor's visit. And a wife who gets migraines could talk about it with her partner, says Shapiro, who runs the Networks Family Counseling centers in San Francisco and Sausalito, Calif.
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Shapiro lets patients know that migraines are nobody's fault, and he urges people with migraines to maintain a healthy lifestyle -- stay away from foods, alcohol, and other substances that bring on a migraine -- and to address their issues.
"That’s why couples have to be able to talk to each other -- really come together and support each other," Shapiro says. "If he's feeling resentful, she needs to hear it. If he picks up the slack, she has to appreciate it.''
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